now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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