we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
