you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
