these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
