I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
