I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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