what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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