My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
COCAINE IS GR8
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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