Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
