so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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