He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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