Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
