my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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