Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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