I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
