I think my vagina is haunted
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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