i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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