i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
