That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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