So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's always time for handjobs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize