I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
they need to just BURY HIM!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
