So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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