we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
