is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just pee around me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
