you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
