Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
