did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
