My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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