Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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