my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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