on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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