would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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