i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
50% drunk capacity currently
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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