i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
