I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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