Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
