im having a threesome with these popsicles
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you didnt know i had herpes?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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