omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
