just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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