He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
