He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
