I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
