hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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