I think my fart just growled at me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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