Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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