Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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