yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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