Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
