I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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