i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
