guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
