i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
