Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
