So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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