why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He passed out mid-signature
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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