I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
