these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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