He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
