thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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