I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
