you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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