I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
