Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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