Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
