I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
