I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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