On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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