I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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