Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
