If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
