glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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