i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I deserve this hangover.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
