im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
