How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
