I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
